My Baby Sister

Today is the day and I can't sleep.

My baby sister gets married in approximately 10 hours. 

I can hardly believe it!  It seems like just yesterday we were hiding out in the dog house, biding our time before we could go back inside the house; climbing trees, riding bikes and wearing each other's clothes; laughing at how amazingly we are connected that she could draw a circle and I knew she meant "complete." 

She's the last of the 'Phillips Girls' to change her name. I can't imagine how bittersweet that must be for my parents.

I remember growing up the frustration she felt because it seemed like none of the guys liked her. Truth is, none of the guys could handle her.  Jenn is her own force of nature. They only thing that could equal that is another force of nature.  Ever since I heard the lyrics "...that's what happens when a tornado meets a volcano" I knew that was the perfect way to describe Dave and Jenn.  Equally powerful.  She needed someone that could challenge her; expand the way she saw the world. David is exactly that for her.

I am so excited to watch them grow as a couple.  There is something indescribable that happens once you say those vows. I hope they feel it. It's so powerful and binding.  But if there's one thing they have, it's that they never give up on each other.  They are always there, always fighting for the other, always figuring out the best way for THEM. I think if more couples were to have that much perseverance in their relationship, we'd see a lot more happiness!

Welcome to the family (officially) Dave! I'm thrilled to have you for a brother-in-law. I know you'll take great care of my sister.  You bring to this family such tenacity and steadfastness. I'm glad Jenn picked you (and vice-versa!) 

I love you Benny, fer-fer, Boo-Boo, Tuffy, Merriweather, Flounder, Jenny-Rose, Jammin' Jennifer!

Fits of Ikea

As mentioned before, Nick and I have decided to stay put where we are and not move. Therefore, we have a lot that needs to be done in our house to make it work. Where is quite possibly the best place for getting ideas to make a small place work? IKEA!
     This last week Nick had a Sunday-Monday off, so naturally we did what was best and went when everyone else would be going...on Sunday. Why I thought this was a great idea, I'll never know. I don't like crowds in general, sometimes they freak me out and I feel like I have to leave RIGHT NOW! and I feel like, as a whole, people just forget common sense and courtesy and any sense of traffic and direction when they get to Ikea.  Multiply all of this by  infinity when this pregnant chick gets hungry.
     I can say I made an honest effort. We had a leisurely morning; slept in, made breakfast, watched an episode of '24,' you know, the usual. We had kinda talked about going so we showered, got dressed and left. As we were leaving I had a faint undertone of warning in my head that maybe I should eat something, just as a precaution. I quickly stomped out that little voice and took attitude with myself that I would be just fine...I'd just had breakfast.
     I didn't feel hungry at all, but in reality, that breakfast had been about two hours prior. Now, if I don't eat every two to three hours, I think I've mentioned before how I turn in to psycho-pregnant-lady-who-will-kill-you-just-for-making-a-joke. We pulled into the parking lot and thought "Crap! Bad idea to come on a Sunday!" Oh well, we'll make the best of it and really my mind frame was that I would just relax, enjoy myself and do the pregnant stroll through everything (Nick had been warned this would be the case.)
     My amazing husband found one of the best parking spots available, only four spaces from the door! We walk in and I grab a yellow bag (despite grabbing our blue one at home and washing it off, we still forgot it!) Nick questions me and says "We NEVER use one of those upstairs." Cue flash anger and defenses. "Are you kidding me?!? We ALWAYS do! For candles, or light bulbs are random little stuff we see upstairs!" Note: That has really only happened approx. three times, but it seemed like it was a good idea to have. Like most good husband, he drops it and lets me carry the bag around.  We get maybe ten feet and he tries to hold my hand. Naturally it's the side of my body that the giant bag is slung around and I exasperatingly and loosely intertwine my fingers with his. This last MAYBE five seconds before I let go and, with all the outward frustration I can contain, switch the bag to the opposite shoulder.  He goes to grab my hand again and I semi-roll my eyes like "What are you doing?!?" He calmly (mostly) explains he's just trying to hold his wife's hand, isn't that alright? Ugg, fine.  
     My favorite part about going through Ikea is to look at all the rooms and how they have put them together and to imagine my own house looking that wide-open and beautiful. Poor Nick happened to be on my left and it was difficult for me to look, especially since he more enjoys the gadgets and actual merchandise downstairs.  I was trying to speed up, slow down, crane my neck around to see something just as we passed it. But it was not working. On top of it all, the hoards of other people around found it appropriate to come to a dead stop right in front of us, wait until we were right next to them to start walking with their giant full cart (which still confuses me, we're still in the first showcase, how is your cart so full???) or speed walk right behind us trying, quite unsuccessfully, to pass two groups of people. I got annoyed with the yellow bag that I so stubbornly was carrying and tried to shove it into the side of one of the couches. I'm sure I looked like a small child throwing a fit. So I angrily looked and found a bag holder I could toss it in to.
     At this point we're about halfway through the first showcase and Nick leans in to tell me that, whenever I'm ready, just let him and know and we can stop and get some food. Insert wave of emotions with an internal monologue of  "What? You think I need a reminder that we need food?  Are you saying I clearly need something because you can see waves or seething red radiating out of my body? Oh my gosh, I feel horrible for thinking this way towards my husband! He loves me so much and is just trying to help! Or wait, maybe he needs food and is getting grumpy? No, it's definitely me. Gosh, who am I? Why do I get like this so bad?!? It's like one minute I'm fine and perfectly happy and the next minute I'm as bad as those reality tv girls with horrible attitudes." Insert tears of guilt.
     I'm sure Nick saw all of that play out on my face and his response is just a sweet "Honey, would you like to go get us a table and sit down while I grab the food for us?" I still tear up when I think of the everlasting patience he has had with me through this whole process. He brings me the most delicious plate of Swedish meatballs, incredible lingonberry sauce and gravy. (side note: we learned you can get steamed veggies instead of mashed potatoes, we will definitely substitute next time, because I don't really like their mashed taters.) I had sat there waiting for him with tears streaming down my face but had recovered by the time he sat down. I'm sure the other people sitting around were a combination of concerned, annoyed and oblivious. 
     I apologized for how I acted, said I felt like he was blocking my view of the rooms and that is my favorite part and I felt like he was just trying to hurry us a long when all I really wanted was some time to get inspired for our house.  He laughed at me and reassured me that he wasn't trying to do any of that and that we could start over from the beginning, with me closest to the rooms so if I wanted to stop I could.  I swear, his amazingness and love never stops! 
     We were able to continue on with our trip, have fun, laugh and smile and get some great ideas for the house with a renewed sense that we made the right decision that it will all work out just fine. People were still dumb, but our minds were working together and we navigated the crowds without incident and made it through.  Karyanna is so lucky to have Nick as her Daddy! And I am so lucky to have him as an example of how we work in this family!

Spokane Adventure

Every April Nick and I got to a Leadership Conference in Spokane where John Maxwell is the key note speaker. It's something we look forward to and really, at least for me, is the start of my year (yes, I know we're 4 months in, but my year starts when the weather gets nice!)
     About a month ago we talked about it and decided that it just didn't make sense to go. Logically, I knew it was good to say no, but as the weekend got closer I started getting a little bummed we weren't going to be there.
     Well, Thursday morning we got a message from one of our group leaders saying we could still get tickets if one or both of us wanted to go. The ball got moving and it was decided that I would go and I was staying in a room with 3 other women.
     Sometimes it really is best to jump in with two feet isn't it? I didn't think some things through. I missed my friend's wedding, which she had known was a possibility. I missed my cousin's bride-to-be's shower. But I gained some huge personal growth! 
     I couldn't leave until Friday evening, (usually we leave early EARLY Friday morning.) I was driving to Spokane, a 5-6 hr drive, all by myself. At night. While pregnant (which really isn't that big of a deal, but really makes it more dramatic, don't you think?)
     My original plan was to leave between 4:30 and 5pm, but Nick and I didn't really get to see each other, so timing worked out that we went and had dinner when he was off work. He worked late, dinner took awhile, so I didn't leave Portland until 8pm. That put me in Spokane at approx. 2am.  Wow! I think New Year's is the last time I was up that late.
     It wasn't until I was driving that I realized how crazy it was. I'm 4 1/2 months pregnant which can equal a lot of bathroom stops. Umm, I don't know if you've done the drive to Spokane, but it is NOT stopper friendly. It's country highways with rest stops filled with 30 truckers sleeping. I've seen way too many scary movies to feel safe doing that. So I stopped in The Dalles (with a smart plan to tell people I was headed to Portland if anyone should ask!) and I stopped in Tri-Cities praying that my bladder would hold off until I'd make it to Spokane.
     I met up with friends and instantly knew that it was all worth it. I didn't realize how much I'd missed these people and how much of a huge impact they've had on my life.
     It was strange meeting sleeping in a hotel room with 3 other women. The lights went out and we all laid there trying to get to sleep. Do you know how uncomfortable it is to lay there, knowing I'm probably breathing heavy and that everyone is listening to everyone else?!?  I just went to my happy place trying to relax and hope to feel a little nudge from my sweet little baby.
     The conference was great! It always is.  But, it was so odd not having Nick there. I depend on him so much. He really is my partner in life, in everything we do. I did feel like a grown up though. Figuring things out all on my own. I got my first belly rubs (Thanks Dwight and Shaman!) and was really excited to share our awesome news with people who hadn't heard yet.
     I found out that my good friend Brooke lived only  a half hour away so we decided to meet up Saturday night. It was so great seeing her! She was in my wedding and I don't think I've seen her since then. I'm happy that she's moving closer in a week and so glad that we got to reconnect like that!
     Sunday is always my favorite day in the conference. It helps at looking forward and is just fun because the whole stadium is buzzing with excitement from the weekend. As I'm sitting there listening to a men's panel I suddenly felt a short quiver in my lower abdomen! I felt my baby legitimately stir for the first time! I gasped, looked up and instantly my eyes filled with tears (I knew I always liked Jimmy Head. Such a great speaker that even baby Roth reacted!) I have no idea what he said, I had completely checked out for about 5 minutes! 
     I had some awesome revelations about myself and my marriage and just my life in general. I realized that I am so much more than I've been allowing myself to be. I seem to get so caught up in my day-to-day life and stress of everything that I forget how great I was made to be. I forget how much I truly just love people and want to be a light for others.
     I asked God this weekend to help me become a better servant. This absolutely TERRIFIES me, because I remember life after I asked Him to help me become more patient. But I truly want and desire to be a joyful servant; To my husband, our children, our family, our friends and even people we don't know!
     Overall, I am so very glad I went. It was worth every moment of missing Nick (but it would've been MUCH BETTER with him there,) it was worth all the hours in the car, it was worth every tear I cried! I can't wait until next year, I know it will be just as great!

Happy Anniversary!!!

Nick and I set out to Seattle for our 1 year anniversary. It was so much fun and I've been wanting to go have the 'Seattle Experience' for over a year now. And as fun as it was, it made me realize that I much prefer Portland.

Being married has been the most incredible thing. It is so much more than either of us ever dreamed. After being together for 8 years now it's shocking to me that, for both of us really, the best thing about being married is the stability and routine of it.

We've been lucky enough that Nick has worked small jobs here and there and that I've only worked 3-4 days a week so we really got to spend the last year just hanging out. What an awesome blessing it was to just get used to being married. If the first year truly is the hardest, then we have so many incredible years to look forward to (which, even if it's not, we still have lots to look for!)

This next year is going to present our newest, scariest and most incredible challenge and adventure yet as we grow our little family by one!