Every April Nick and I got to a Leadership Conference in Spokane where John Maxwell is the key note speaker. It's something we look forward to and really, at least for me, is the start of my year (yes, I know we're 4 months in, but my year starts when the weather gets nice!)
About a month ago we talked about it and decided that it just didn't make sense to go. Logically, I knew it was good to say no, but as the weekend got closer I started getting a little bummed we weren't going to be there.
Well, Thursday morning we got a message from one of our group leaders saying we could still get tickets if one or both of us wanted to go. The ball got moving and it was decided that I would go and I was staying in a room with 3 other women.
Sometimes it really is best to jump in with two feet isn't it? I didn't think some things through. I missed my friend's wedding, which she had known was a possibility. I missed my cousin's bride-to-be's shower. But I gained some huge personal growth!
I couldn't leave until Friday evening, (usually we leave early EARLY Friday morning.) I was driving to Spokane, a 5-6 hr drive, all by myself. At night. While pregnant (which really isn't that big of a deal, but really makes it more dramatic, don't you think?)
My original plan was to leave between 4:30 and 5pm, but Nick and I didn't really get to see each other, so timing worked out that we went and had dinner when he was off work. He worked late, dinner took awhile, so I didn't leave Portland until 8pm. That put me in Spokane at approx. 2am. Wow! I think New Year's is the last time I was up that late.
It wasn't until I was driving that I realized how crazy it was. I'm 4 1/2 months pregnant which can equal a lot of bathroom stops. Umm, I don't know if you've done the drive to Spokane, but it is NOT stopper friendly. It's country highways with rest stops filled with 30 truckers sleeping. I've seen way too many scary movies to feel safe doing that. So I stopped in The Dalles (with a smart plan to tell people I was headed to Portland if anyone should ask!) and I stopped in Tri-Cities praying that my bladder would hold off until I'd make it to Spokane.
I met up with friends and instantly knew that it was all worth it. I didn't realize how much I'd missed these people and how much of a huge impact they've had on my life.
It was strange meeting sleeping in a hotel room with 3 other women. The lights went out and we all laid there trying to get to sleep. Do you know how uncomfortable it is to lay there, knowing I'm probably breathing heavy and that everyone is listening to everyone else?!? I just went to my happy place trying to relax and hope to feel a little nudge from my sweet little baby.
The conference was great! It always is. But, it was so odd not having Nick there. I depend on him so much. He really is my partner in life, in everything we do. I did feel like a grown up though. Figuring things out all on my own. I got my first belly rubs (Thanks Dwight and Shaman!) and was really excited to share our awesome news with people who hadn't heard yet.
I found out that my good friend Brooke lived only a half hour away so we decided to meet up Saturday night. It was so great seeing her! She was in my wedding and I don't think I've seen her since then. I'm happy that she's moving closer in a week and so glad that we got to reconnect like that!
Sunday is always my favorite day in the conference. It helps at looking forward and is just fun because the whole stadium is buzzing with excitement from the weekend. As I'm sitting there listening to a men's panel I suddenly felt a short quiver in my lower abdomen! I felt my baby legitimately stir for the first time! I gasped, looked up and instantly my eyes filled with tears (I knew I always liked Jimmy Head. Such a great speaker that even baby Roth reacted!) I have no idea what he said, I had completely checked out for about 5 minutes!
I had some awesome revelations about myself and my marriage and just my life in general. I realized that I am so much more than I've been allowing myself to be. I seem to get so caught up in my day-to-day life and stress of everything that I forget how great I was made to be. I forget how much I truly just love people and want to be a light for others.
I asked God this weekend to help me become a better servant. This absolutely TERRIFIES me, because I remember life after I asked Him to help me become more patient. But I truly want and desire to be a joyful servant; To my husband, our children, our family, our friends and even people we don't know!
Overall, I am so very glad I went. It was worth every moment of missing Nick (but it would've been MUCH BETTER with him there,) it was worth all the hours in the car, it was worth every tear I cried! I can't wait until next year, I know it will be just as great!
Monday, April 23, 2012
Saturday, April 14, 2012
To say I've been emotional lately is quite the understatement. But, I had my first potentially humiliating experience today.
I had been out shopping for an hour or two and was at Old Navy looking to score a new cute scarf for the Bachelorette dinner I'm going to this evening. I stopped by the maternity section (as per usual) and was (as per usual) bored with their selection. I then roamed the rest of the store (twice!) and found a total of 4 scarves. Really Old Navy?!? Anyway, I stopped to peruse the jewelry (note: I am SO HAPPY that mint green is totally in!) and while I was spinning a pillar I sneezed.
Now, mind you my ordinary sneezes have been described as dainty and even by some as classy. And although this was no normal-for-me sneeze, it was by no means big. But sneeze away I went and all of the sudden, oops! I just peed myself. And not a little either. (Damn you kegels!) This wasn't some little drip, drip, drop. This was full on baseball sized wet spot on the front of my jeans!
Unfortunately, I've gotten used to peeing myself when I had morning sickness. But that was in the privacy of my own bathroom and only conveyed through story telling to my friends. It's never actually happened in public.
Thank GOD I had a small bag from Ulta so as I rushed out the door, past the caped employee (no exaggeration there!) across the 'street' and to my car I was able to try (<--operative word!) to cover myself. I'm sure I was a million shades of red, walking too fast to be nonchalant and shaking my head the whole time. Not much can humble you like peeing your pants in public! I was praying the whole 5 block drive home that it wouldn't get on my seats (luckily it did not.)
And the crazy thing was when I came inside and sat down on the toilet to 'finish,' I hardly went at all. I didn't even feel like I had to go BEFORE I sneezed. Dear Sweet Baby Roth, mommy loves you! But please don't make me pee in public anymore. I don't want to do that much laundry!
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
I expected a lot of things about pregnancy. I expected to love it. I expected to be sick. I expected to want maternity clothes ASAP (full panel pants?!? YES PLEASE!) I expected that there would be hard days. I expected there would be incredible days. I expected there would be negative things, and I was not naive to the whole process (I do have 5 nieces and nephews ages 5 and under, 11 under 10 if you consider extended family!) I'm not a stranger to what all the books and websites say. I felt like I was prepared.
What I wasn't expecting, and really feel like I never heard (or maybe I did and just couldn't understand,) was all of the sorta bad stuff. Like the fact that my skin, although 10 times clearer and smoother, would stop obeying me when applying make up. I have changed my foundation twice now trying to find the right one for my new glorious, pre-pubescent skin. I think I may have settled on mineral make up (a MAJOR no for me before.)
Although I was expecting pain, I was more thinking along the lines of low back pain, or round ligament pain, and probably boob pain too. I was not expecting for all my major joints to feel like I've gained 50 lbs, not lost 15! I was not expecting old injuries to flare up out of nowhere and cause pain (I'm talking to you, hurt knee from 7th grade!)
I was certainly not expecting body changes. Ok well, clearly I was (duh! there's a human growing inside of me.) But I really more imagined it (read: fantasized it to be) an all of the sudden thing. I knew my body would change (hips widen, boobs pornify, belly protrude,) but I honestly thought it would all happen over night (silly Jessica!) I didn't expect this slow gradual change from the former me to the full on pregnant me. I didn't expect to ever look frumpy in maternity clothes (they fit my boobs but not my belly, a true shocker to me!)
I did expect the emo part though. Mostly because my PMS emotions are as up and down as a ride on Tower of Terror. However, they still shock me when they hit hard (why am I crying right now? Why am I going postal on that driver?!?)
I'm truly not complaining and I'm real sorry if it sounds like that (thanks Michelle and Linds for listening to me talk about some of this earlier!) I mainly just wanted to document what was going on so I have a heads up for next time (looking out for future-pregnant-Jessica :-D)
And I definitely feel so blessed with this pregnancy. I have several friends that are or have been preggers too and have it much worse than me! This has, so far, been an easy pregnancy. Praying it stays that way!
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Boy am I feeling pregnant! All in a very good way, of course! I can no longer lay on my tummy, I must have at least one leg hitched so I'm more on my side. Morning sickness is gone, PRAISE THE LORD! Just as I was getting used to it again it leaves. I don't miss it.
My mom took me shopping for maternity clothes. Due to my previous 'food baby' I didn't think I really needed to put the fake bump on, but did anyway, and holy cow! I can't wait until that thing is real! I've always known I would love being pregnant, that I would relish in every moment, good or bad, that I had. I am so happy that has been true, and I can not wait to look to everyone else like I am pregnant, because it's just going to be so much fun.
I've also FINALLY started exercising again and it feels wonderful! My OB cleared me for all activities and I am thoroughly enjoying my runs, I was really scared to go out, but I am so glad I did. I am feeling more like myself again and know that I will be able to keep a handle on weight gain (is it too early to start thinking about how I'm going to loose it all?!?)
On the Daddy side of things: he's adjusting well to working full time and is learning so much as a lab manager! It's really neat to see him being challenged and grow in a field he had no previous experience. I really am blessed with such an amazing husband and future baby-daddy!