Xylophagia

Dear Karyanna,

In case I ever forget to tell you, you LOVE paper.  More specifically you love to eat paper.  It doesn't matter what is going on, if I (or anyone) gives you a piece of paper you go absolutely bonkers.  So excited, so excited. You flap your arms and bounce up and down.

You are also really good at finding paper.  I feel like I clean up wrappers, mail and receipts all the time but somehow you manage to find more and put it in your mouth.  Your'e really good at getting things in your mouth before I can get to you.

Another thing you are particularly attracted to is cat food.  I know you'll grow out of all of this. And as much as you keep me moving, I think it's the cutest thing. I come around a corner and you purse your lips, like maybe I won't know you just put a crunchy piece of kibble in there.  When I reach down to grab it out your tighten your lips even more.  It's so damn cute!

I love you!

SSBBLP,

Mommy

My Baby Sister

Today is the day and I can't sleep.

My baby sister gets married in approximately 10 hours. 

I can hardly believe it!  It seems like just yesterday we were hiding out in the dog house, biding our time before we could go back inside the house; climbing trees, riding bikes and wearing each other's clothes; laughing at how amazingly we are connected that she could draw a circle and I knew she meant "complete." 

She's the last of the 'Phillips Girls' to change her name. I can't imagine how bittersweet that must be for my parents.

I remember growing up the frustration she felt because it seemed like none of the guys liked her. Truth is, none of the guys could handle her.  Jenn is her own force of nature. They only thing that could equal that is another force of nature.  Ever since I heard the lyrics "...that's what happens when a tornado meets a volcano" I knew that was the perfect way to describe Dave and Jenn.  Equally powerful.  She needed someone that could challenge her; expand the way she saw the world. David is exactly that for her.

I am so excited to watch them grow as a couple.  There is something indescribable that happens once you say those vows. I hope they feel it. It's so powerful and binding.  But if there's one thing they have, it's that they never give up on each other.  They are always there, always fighting for the other, always figuring out the best way for THEM. I think if more couples were to have that much perseverance in their relationship, we'd see a lot more happiness!

Welcome to the family (officially) Dave! I'm thrilled to have you for a brother-in-law. I know you'll take great care of my sister.  You bring to this family such tenacity and steadfastness. I'm glad Jenn picked you (and vice-versa!) 

I love you Benny, fer-fer, Boo-Boo, Tuffy, Merriweather, Flounder, Jenny-Rose, Jammin' Jennifer!

Support

Note: This awesome card was from my dear friend Jordana from something totally unrelated

Wow!  I am speechless from the incredible amounts of support, well wishes and stories from others.  Everyone has been so sweet and it has made me even more grateful for the wonderful people I have in my life!

     I had no idea how prevalent this whole high cholesterol thing was in my age group! Yes yes, I know I'm not a kid anymore, but I'm still in my twenties. You'd think we'd all be healthier.  It just goes to show how vigilant we all must be when it comes to our health.

     Changes so far have gone great.  Mid week I had a coffee shop meet up and left STARVING and I was still 30 minutes from home with a baby who needed to be changed, fed and put down for a nap, so my rationale was that I was an hour, at minimum, from eating. It makes sense and would be so convenient to run through McDonald's and grab some "chicky noogies" or a cheeseburger. I literally had to talk myself out of it three times...boy old habits are hard. to. break. But I did it, and I went home and made myself a delicious and far more satisfying (and healthy) lunch.

    Thank you for all your great support, I'm sure I'll be keeping you up to date.

Wake Up Call

I can't even...I don't know where to start.

     I decided to go in for a yearly physical. I thought since I'm working on loosing weight and I have some big goals, I should go in and get a baseline, or starting point if you will.  It's no secret I need to loose weight. I've been working on it. Before I got pregnant I had lost 20 lbs.  Awesome.  I'm officially down 30 lbs from summer 2011, but I've got quite a ways to go.

     I got a call from my doctor's office yesterday. I have moderately high cholesterol.  Wait, what? No I don't! My blood pressure is amazing, how can I have high cholesterol?!? I could go out and run a couple miles right now if I wanted to, how can I have high cholesterol?!? I don't smoke, how can I have high cholesterol?!?

     I have a shitty diet, that's how.

     It hit me with a ton of bricks. Not at first, but as I started doing research and seeing exactly where I'm at on the scale of things and what I need to do to get better. Yikes!  I'd never paid attention to cholesterol info before. I never thought it would affect me. Type 2 Diabetes? Sure, I love sugar. It wouldn't be a good thing, but I would've been mentally prepared to hear that. But cholesterol? Really?

     Now, thanks to dead beat dads I only know 1/4 of my family health history (side note: I prefer it that way because my dad is the best and I wouldn't trade him for anything!) so I don't know if I'm pre-disposed to having high cholesterol or not. But, like I said before, I generally eat like crap. That changes now!

     It scared the crap out of me, more than anything else, to think I could literally have a heart attack at any moment and leave Karyanna without a mommy...or she would grow up calling someone else mommy.  Still brings tears to my eyes to even consider.  And then it spiraled when I thought of the what if's...like what if I hadn't decided to go get everything checked out? I wouldn't have know. It would have gotten worse.

     I guess wake up calls happen for a reason.  Well this chick is wo-ken-up! Fast food? Done. Pizza? Done. Casseroles? Done. I know I will feel so great making these changes, but now I have to learn so much.  Reading labels now goes from just looking at caloric content, but fat and cholesterol too.  I firmly believe in moderation, but this stuff has to be out until I'm in a normal range again.

     Any helpful, kind feedback is appreciated. Does anyone else have experience with this?

A Rough Night

Oh man, last night was a doozy!

     I went to bed around 11 pm as usual, didn't get to sleep until 12:30 am-ish as usual, Karyanna woke up around 4 as usual. But not-as-usual, she didn't want to go back to sleep. Also not-as-usual, she could hardly nurse.  Every time she got going she'd choke because she could breathe because she has a stuffed up nose. But her not sleeping had nothing to do with her being sick, or at least I assume so.

     Also very not-as-usual, she wouldn't look at me.  I feel like, if you've seen Snuffy around me, you wouldn't believe that, because aside from the comments of how pretty she is, the second (or third) most common comment I get is how much she focuses on just me. It's always warmed my heart, but I assure people she really is a Daddy's Girl. 

     It scared me though. The child literally would not look at me. I'd move her, I'd move me, I'd make noises (good and bad) and the most I'd get was a millisecond glance. So great, not only is my child not eating, she also won't look at me. 

     I started to worry. "Oh no, is this her weaning? Is she becoming a teenager already? Did I do something that offends a 5-month-old? Is she done nursing for good." (Calm down mama, breath, she's sick, that's all.) 

     An hour had gone by, at this point I could barely keep my eyes open and she was playing, as well as not looking at me...or eating, so I moved positions and had us perpendicular on the bed. [Don't worry, it didn't bother Nick, because he's sick as well, he was snoozing on the couch.] I gave up when that didn't change anything and let myself nod off and figure she'll play until she's ready to sleep or nurse. I couldn't have been out for ten minutes when a thud and bloody-murder-screaming-baby woke me up.

     Panic. Adrenaline. Snuggles. Nursing. Puking.  That all happened within thirty seconds. Naturally then I was scared she had a bad concussion. (Isn't puking a sign of concussion?) Still the child wouldn't look at me, so I called Nick in and as soon as she was in his arms BAM! the little stinker looks right over at me!

     Awesome.  We assess that she is, in fact probably okay.  She won't really nurse, or look at me again, so I give up and move to the couch.  I'm fighting my hardest to hold back the tears and Nick takes her and BAM! she's staring at me again...even cracks a smile. Cue the most relieved sob-fest I've ever had! The whole time he was holding her she was looking and smiling at me. My baby really IS okay!

After about a half hour we move back to the bed. It's just after 6 am and Nick should be getting up soon.  We crawl in, she nurses great and we both sleep for three hours. I'm still tired now, but she's just wanted to snuggle all day and whenever I lay her down (except for naps) she starts crying...I'm alright with that though, because after last night, I kinda need the snuggles too!

A Letter to My Daughter

To my dearest Karyanna,

I love you. I can't think of any other way to put it. I watch you sleep every night and I thank God that I get the privilege of being your mommy.  I  am absolutely in awe of you. 

You are so beautiful, so fragile, and completely the center of my world right now. I'm sure that as you get older we'll have our arguments; you wil frustrate me and I will annoy you, but for now we are us. 

We literally spend all day everyday together. When it's time for you to go to sleep we are both ready for it, but after its been a couple hours, I'm ready to swoop you up and crawl into bed. Sometimes it's hard not to wake you up if you're taking a long nap, because I just miss you! 

Being your mother is truly my greatest accomplishment ever. I feel fiercely protective over you. I'm sorry if that gets in the way of things later. Hopefully, when you have children of your own you will be able to understand. 

I want you to know you will never be too old for a hug or a kiss from me (or from your dad!) there is not a thing you could do that can stop the love I have for your in my heart. Nothing can replace you, nothing can weaken how I feel. 

I love watching your little mind work and grow and gain new comprehension everyday. You have the happiest, most loving little personality. And you are SO beautiful! Everywhere I go people stop me to look at you. My darling you were designed to stand out. I pray that you use that magnetism to love on people and make lives better. 

You are my little sun. Thank you for coming into my life. I love you!

Mi propia vida

It's the Little Things

Having a baby changes you. There's no question about it.

     I've been reminiscing a lot about our life before Karyanna stormed in.  We were happy, carefree, irresponsible and perhaps a bit reckless at times. We spent almost nine years just the two of us. 

     I remember being convinced we were ready for kids seven years ago.  The picture to the right was taken almost four years ago. We stayed up too late, got up too early slept in way too late and ate entirely too much!

     Our life is drastically different. We still stay up too late, but we do get up early. Our diet is awesome getting better and better everyday.  We've become incredibly routine in our day and our biggest form of entertainment lies in watching Snuffy almost roll over. 

     And you know what? I'm one-hundred percent happier than I used to be.  Having sweet girl around though, means little to no alone time for Nick and I.  We haven't had many opportunities to connect on a real friendship level like before. Which is fine, we're both so wrapped up in our little sweetie that we haven't felt we needed it. 

     But last night we took some extra time for one another. It wasn't until this morning that I realized how much I had missed him. I almost went to bed, and I'm so glad I didn't.  We simply chit-chatted while he was doing dinner prep for tonight, but we reconnected.  I remembered just exactly why he is my best friend.

He's funny, caring and smart and I am so lucky to have married such an incredible man. I really hope nights like that happen more often, because as awesome as my daughter is, my husband is still my favorite person in the world!